In The United Kingdom, Grandparents Rights Are Increasing. Finally.

The legal right to see your grandchild: Action to end the heartbreak of relatives cut off when their children divorce

Grandparents are to be given legal rights to maintain contact with their grandchildren after a family breakdown or divorce.

A report will today set out radical proposals to enshrine in law greater access rights for grandparents when couples split, Whitehall sources revealed.

The review of the family justice system will also mean couples being pushed into mediation to sort out contact arrangements rather than resorting to the courts.

Important: Ministers say it is a scandal there is 'little or no' recognition of the vital role grandparents play in society

It is expected to reject calls for guaranteed equal access to children for separating mothers and fathers, effectively leaving the presumption of custody with mothers.

The report, by former civil servant and businessman David Norgrove, will herald the biggest shake-up in family law for decades.

Ministers say it is a scandal there is ‘little or no’ recognition of the vital role grandparents play in society.

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Research suggests they are increasingly relied upon by parents for help with childcare and family finances, and by older children for advice and support that they may not get from their parents. But currently, they have no rights to maintain contact with grandchildren after a parental split.

Almost half face the heartbreak of being cut off completely and never see their grandchildren again after a break-up, with those whose sons are involved in a separation faring worst.

Shake up: The report, by former civil servant and businessman David Norgrove (pictured), will herald the biggest shake-up in family law for decades

The Children Act 1989 gave step-parents who have lived as part of a family for three years the right to apply for contact, but did not extend the same right to grandparents.

That means grandparents have to apply to the courts even to be given permission to make a request for some sort of contact, a lengthy and expensive process.

But today’s report will recommend enshrining in law greater rights to access when couples separate.

‘It will mean putting into law a recognition for grandparents and the important role they can play in supporting children who are involved in bitter custody disputes,’ said one source close to the reforms.

‘If they are denied access to their grandchildren who goes off with one parent, they should be able to appeal against that and take it to court.

‘It is a new legal right recognising that they should be able to maintain contact with their grandchildren.’

A new right for grandparents to apply for contact may raise concerns that access agreements will become over-complicated – for instance, if a mother has to agree to maintain contact with both an ex-husband and his parents.

But courts are expected to be allowed to continue to decide what is in a child’s best interests.

The plan will be welcomed by campaigners for grandparents’ rights, who have been arguing for years that their role in creating strong families should be better recognised.

The source said ministers would also consider giving grandparents greater custody rights if their grandchildren are being threatened by local councils with being fostered or taken into care.

In one recent controversial case, social workers decided to re-home two children with a gay couple after their mother’s parents were deemed ‘too old’ to look after them.

City of Edinburgh Council acted despite the fact the grandparents had been caring for the boy and girl while their own daughter battled a heroin addiction.

The move sparked a backlash from the public, politicians and church leaders, who accused social work bosses of ‘politically correct’ posturing.

Grandparents provide over 40 per cent of childcare for parents who are at work or studying and over 70 per cent of childcare at other times. The contribution that grandparents make would cost parents an estimated £3.9billion a year.

Help: The report is also expected to propose greater support for separating parents to enable them to manage conflict between themselves and to agree and maintain enduring contact arrangements

Research by HSBC found that 16 per cent of grandparents in their sixties and one third of grandparents in their seventies also provide financial support to grandchildren.

And some 27 per cent of children aged 11 to 16 say they can share things with grandparents which they cannot talk to their parents about, rising to 35 per cent for their maternal grandmother.

Research also suggests a strong link between involvement of grandparents and wellbeing of children, teenagers in particular.

Today’s report is also expected to propose greater support for separating parents to enable them to manage conflict between themselves and to agree and maintain enduring contact arrangements.

This will require a significant shift away from adversarial court cases towards ‘non-legal interventions’ such as attendance at a Separated Parenting Information Programme – a course that helps separating parents understand what effect the process has on their children and how to proceed more effectively – or use of mediation.

The report is also expected to reject the idea of a new legal presumption of a child spending near equal amounts of time with each parent after separation.

A spokesman for single-parent charity Gingerbread said: ‘Our members tell us that court proceedings are long, difficult and expensive.

‘The majority of parents will do their best to avoid going to court but often struggle to know where to go for help and information about alternatives. This will require significant financial investment to ensure services are available throughout the country.’

The rights of grandchildren were not historically dealt with in law because divorce was relatively rare.

But the rise of family breakdown in recent decades means that access rights – for parents and grandparents – have become a pressing social issue.

It is thought that the rights for grandparents would apply both after a divorce – following marriage – and a separation where an unmarried couple have been co-habiting.

Parental Alienation Is An Unthinkable Series Of Abuse & Negligent Acts Against A Child

The following post is something I read that was posted on the insightful www.stopparenatalalienation.org website.  Sadly, Parental Alienation is an outright attack on a child and the child's rights to live without fear of the attacking, alienating parent. When a parent acts to harm the other parent in front of or by using the child, it is more than a shameful act, it is an act of severe abuse and neglect.  To put it directly out on the table, regardless of what you think of your former spouse/parental partner, if you alienate the child of your relationship from that person, you are causing great harm to the child. Period. Still not sure, read this article, and the various web-page links I'm attaching below.

The Problem of Parental Alienation

What Is Parental Alienation?

Parental alienation occurs any time that a parent, relative or friend speaks badly about another parent so that a child can hear what is being said. Alienating behavior may be mild, moderate or severe. All parents are likely to "lose it" and be inappropriate with their words around children, however, when there is a predominance of negative messages being communicated to a child, these messages can seriously erode the child’s psychological well-being. In severe cases of parental alienation, children are manipulated and brainwashed (programmed) into such states of confusion that their perception of events and people around them are severely distorted.

Parental alienation in its most severe form is a heinous form of child abuse and neglect. It is a dangerous manipulation of children’s minds to alter their perception of reality about another parent. The purpose of marginalizing this parent is that he or she has no means to be an effective parent or to cut that parent out of a child’s life entirely, called a parentectomy.

The Tragic Result

Severe cases of parental alienation have the characteristics of being complicated in two ways. Combative parents duel with conflicting stories of "he said / she said," and make it very difficult to determine who is telling the truth. Brainwashed children often support the side of the offending parent with dramatic stories of how they have been abused by the target parent. As target parents argue their position, they often seem defensive even when they are telling the truth. 

Programmed children lose their own sense of reason and their ability to express their own choice in the matter. If the alienator is not contained, these manipulations of the child’s mind become the incubator of their own future psychological problems. These children have an altered perception of reality that is not in their best interest or in the best interest of society.

Unfortunately, in many cases, fully capable parents and their extended family and friends who love the child and would provide a nurturing and healthy family life are eliminated. Once the cutting out of a parent has occurred the child is left under the full care of the most disturbed and dysfunctional parent. These tragedies are played out in our family law courts daily.

Target parents find that normal methods of handling parental conflict such as mediation and therapy do not work. They are forced to appeal to a judge to make a decision that will enable them to continue to see their children. This is often an expensive and perilous path that rarely results in a satisfying outcome as few people, including judges, attorneys and therapists understand the nature of the problem.

For more information about Stop Parental Alienation of Children (SPAC) go to "Become Informed".

If you are reorganizing your family there is considerable amount of help available to you. One of the first places to start is by taking a parent education course that is offered at www.breakthroughparentingonline.com.

For More information on Parental Alienation, please view the following links. They are very helpful.

71	The complexity of investigating possible sexual abuse of a child	2010
70	The effects on children in the future who have been successfully alienated against a parent	2010
69	How can the truthfulness of children making child sex allegations be established?	2010
68	Why are the courts unwilling to acknowledge PAS or PA	2010
67	What if the custodial parent refuses to co-operate with child contact decisions	2010
66	What if the alienated parent has faults	2010
65	Vital steps in treating the implacable hostility of the alienator	2010
64	The possibilities and limitations of psychological therapy in case of parental alienation	2010
63	The Judiciary and Parental Alienation Disputes	2010
62	The alienated psychologist	2010
61	Is the parent fit to parent a child	2010
60	How Can the Truthfulness of Children Making Child Sex Abuse Allegations be Established?	2010
59	Diagnosing Child Contact Disputes Between Parents (Are There Solutions?)	2010
58	Child Contact Disputes Between Parents and Allegations of Sex Abuse (What does the Research Say?)	2010
57	Can the judiciary do more?	2010
56	Contact Disputes to to Implacable Hostilities (A psychologist advises)	2009
55	Child Parent Contact Following Domestic Violence	2009
54	Parental-alienation - A potentially serious mental disorder	2009
53	Emotional abuse of children due to implacable hostility between parents?	2008
52	What is in the best interests of children?	2008
51	Attachment theory and Parental Alienation	2008
50	What can be done to reduce the implacable hostility leading to parental alienation between parents?	2008
49	Mediation with seperated parents - Recent research (2002-2007)	2007
48	Implacable hostility, parental alienation	2008
47	Obliterating Paternity	2007
46	The comparison of parental alienation to the “Stockholm syndrome”	2006
45	How Can Mediation be made to be Successful in Serious Family Disputes? (Solving intractable hostility between former partners in contact disputes)	2006
44	My experiences in Courts of Law dealing with parental alienation cases	2006
43	When is it not a case of PA or PAS?	2006
42	Real Justice for non custodial parents and their children	2006
41	Parental Alienation Due to a Shared Psychotic Disorder (Folie a Deux)	2006
40	The Psychological Assessment and Treatment of Pathologically Induced Alienation (Dealing with alienation leading to an induced phobic reaction)	2006
39	The Psychological Effect of Modelling (Imitation) on Parental Alienation	2006
38	Dealing with Parental Post-Separation Conflicts (Recent Research)	2005
37	Understanding Post-Divorce Conflicts and How to Resolve Them (Recent Research)	2005
36	Attempting to Solve Child Contact Disputes (Recent Research)	2005
35	The Type of Remedial and Therapeutic Methods required in Parental Alienation	2005
34	Assessing and treatment of Parental Alienation	2005
33	Difficulties in treating parents and children who have been involved in the Parental Alienation process	2005
32	Family Courts (Where have courageous and just judges gone?)	2005
31	How does one identify and treat false accusations of sexual abuse in Parental Alienation situations?	2005
30	How can one overturn the programming of a child against a parent?	2005
29	The Concept of Mediation	2005
28	Part 4 Dealing with treatment of PAS	2005
27	Part 3 Long term effects on children	2005
26	Part 2 PAS impact on children	2005
25	Part 1 PAS or PA is that the question	2005
24	Signs of PAS and how to counteract its effects	2005
23	Causes and associated features of divorce as seen by recent research	2005
22	The psychological effects and treatment of PAS	2005
21	Recent changes in PAS approach by the Judiciary	2005
20	Do children need fathers?	2004
19	Tackling Parental Alienation	2003
18	Treating Families in Turmoil	2002
17	Problems suffered by children due to the effects of PAS	2002
16	The psychological treatment of children who have suffered from PAS	2001
15	The value of mediation in child custody disputes	2001
14	Recent research into risk assessment of children	2001
13	How to make joint custody parenting work effectively	2001
12	Joint custody and shared parenting	2001
11	Tackling Parental Alienation	2001
10	Treating the alienator	2000
9	The role of mediation in child custody disputes	2000
8	Parental Alienation and the Judiciary	1999
7	Mediation in the legal profession	1999
6	Mediation - the way forward	1999
5	Parental Alienation Syndrome: What the legal profession should know	1999
4	Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS)	1999
3	Child custody disputes - Ideals and realities	1998
2	Parental Alienation Syndrome	1998
1	Parent Alienation Syndrome: A two step approach toward a solution	1998

Helping Grandkids Survive Divorce

The role of a grandparent during the time of a divorce is paramount to a child's wellness. In the article below, Jodi M. Webb offers some very practical advice that will provide great insight and assistance for grandparents and their grandchildren during this traumatic time.

In the weeks after his parents filed for divorce, one 3-year-old boy bombarded his paternal grandparents with invitations to visit his house. It was a tricky situation. They wondered if their son would view an appearance at his ex-wife's house as disloyal. They questioned if their daughter-in-law would even feel comfortable seeing them so soon after the breakup.

On the other hand, their grandson was reaching out to them. Would he feel abandoned and unloved if they didn't make a point to honor his request? The couple hemmed and hawed before ultimately deciding to go to their grandson. Rather than enter into his home, though, they picked him up and took him to a nearby playground.

If your adultchildis getting divorced, grandparenting is about to get a lot more complicated. Suddenly it's no longer just about building sandcastles with your grandchild, scarfing down ice cream, and letting him stay up past bedtime to catch the tail-end of his favorite Disney movie. Now, there are the feelings of four different groups to consider: theothergrandparents, your child, your child's ex-spouse, and your grandchild.

Your Place, Your Grandchild's Safe Haven

After your child's divorce is announced, your home and the time you spend with your grandchildren should remain as similar to pre-divorce visits as you can manage, says Lillian Carson, Ph.D., a psychotherapist and grandmother of 10 who wroteThe Essential Grandparents' Guide to Divorce: Making a Difference in the Family(Health Communications, 1999). “Time with grandparents can be a relief for grandchildren who may be caught in the middle of two parents. Your home should be a neutral zone.” Keep the focus on your growing relationship with your grandchildren, not their parents' disintegrating one.

When They Confide in You

Don't be surprised if the stability of your home encourages your grandchildren to share feelings they are unable to express to their parents for fear that they will be taking sides. Sure, when your adult child is going through a divorce, it's the main topic of conversation. You talk about it with your spouse. You talk about it with your best friend. You talk about it with your child. But, be careful not to spend all of the time you have with your grandchildren delving into their feelings about the divorce. “Don't try to be your grandchild's therapist,” advises Carson. “That's not your job.”

Only when your grandchildren mention the divorce, should you address it with them, she says. If they mention it, be an attentive listener and offer your love and empathy. Chances are you may be feeling emotions similar to theirs: anger, guilt, sadness, anxiety. Both your grandchildren and you are involved in a difficult situation that was not your choice to enter into.

When your grandchild opens up to you, frame your response positively and reassure him or her that the divorce is not his or her fault, suggests Marsha Temlock, M.A., a grandmother and author ofYour Child's Divorce: What to Expect... What You Can Do(Impact Publishers, 2006). If you feel your grandchild is bringing up an issue that should be addressed by the parents, don't involve your grandchild when you approach them or broach the topic by saying something along the lines of “When Katie was visiting, she told me... ”

Instead, when you are alone with your adult child, guide the subject with a non-accusatory musing such as, “I noticed that sometimes Katie has trouble falling asleep. I think she misses having both parents around at bedtime. Maybe you could call her at bedtime?”

Be prepared for an angry reaction such as, “Well if someone hadn't asked for a divorce, she'd have both parents at bedtime!” Try to be sympathetic, but point out that everyone's main goal is to help the child adapt to the new situation, without blaming ex-spouses.

They're All Ears

“Try not to stir things up,” says Carson. “A good rule of thumb is to ask yourself, 'What would be the value of passing on this information? Would it be helpful to my grandchild?'" No matter what your personal opinions are, always remember that your grandchild loves both of his or her parents, despite any occasional display of anger.

One grandmother believes that the casual, positive comments she makes show her grandchildren that even though their parents are divorced, she still thinks theirmomis a good person. “If we're making spaghetti,” she says, “I'll say something like, 'Your mom always makes the best meatballs. What a great cook she is.'”

And no matter how tempting it may be, don't play spy by trying to get information that could be used in divorce proceedings. If, when your grandchild talks to you, what they say becomes fodder for the parents' arguments, your grandchild will realize this and feel unable to trust you. Then, who will he or she have to turn to?

Ex-Spouse: Friend, Enemy, None of the Above?

After a divorce, many fathers are only able to see theirchildrenevery other weekend when they try to squeeze in as much one-on-one time as possible. So, it's no surprise that research by Jeanne Hilton, Ph.D. shows that when a father becomes a non-custodial parent, the child's relationship with his or her paternal grandparents suffers. That's why Temlock encourages grandparents to maintain a relationship with their child's ex-spouse.

Karen Bastille, whose 3-year-old granddaughter, Maya's parents divorced, says her ex-son-in-law has retained a role in the family. “Maya's dad will often visit her in my home on 'Daddy Day'. He'll order pizza and we'll all have lunch together. It's a treat my granddaughter has come to regard as a ritual,” says Bastille. “Sometimes, he will even stay for dinner.”

Carson admits that sometimes an adult child may see this as a betrayal. “But, it's not being disloyal. Communicate to your child that even though it may seem that you are helping his or her ex-spouse, you are just trying to maintain a relationship with your grandchild,” she says. You should be able to support your child during the divorce and have ahealthyrelationship with your grandchild, without having to choose one or the other.

Birthday Parties Times Two?

Many celebrations and holidays are child-centered. You may be wondering if, after the divorce, there will be two birthday parties, two Easter egg hunts... two Thanksgivings? Since her daughter and son-in-law divorced, Bastille says that some holidays have been one-family events while others have included both families. When they are all together, she says, everyone manages to remember the most important thing — Maya's happiness.

“It can be awkward for the adults, but family members have been able to control any lingering emotional turmoil and make it a good day for Maya,” she says. Of course, every family is different, and some divorces are more acrimonious than others. If a grandchild's parents' marriage ended bitterly, and emotions are still raw, joint celebrations don't have to be insisted upon. Ask yourself if it would be more difficult for the child not to see both parents together at the celebration, or to see them there together, arguing the whole time.

Although grandparenting through a divorce can be a challenge, the role you play in your grandchild's life may also become more crucial. As Bastille has learned, grandparents can offer not only their love, but “an oasis of sameness when everything else in your grandchild's family life is changing.”